Caroline Goldsmith explains that many parents think they are listening because they’re physically present or respond when their child speaks. But real listening means giving your full attention, putting aside your own assumptions, and trying to see the world through your child’s eyes. It’s not about offering instant solutions or judgment. It’s about creating a space where your child feels safe enough to open up.
Meet Caroline Goldsmith
Caroline Goldsmith is an experienced psychologist who works with families across Ireland. She’s known for her work with teens and their parents, offering clear, practical guidance that helps bridge the gap between generations. Through her sessions, she has witnessed the impact of poor communication and how it can lead to misunderstandings, emotional distance, and stress in families. But she has also seen how one simple change—active listening—can rebuild trust and strengthen the parent-child bond.
The Science Behind Listening
Listening may sound like a soft skill, but it’s backed by serious research. Studies have shown that when children feel heard by their parents, they are more likely to develop self-esteem, emotional regulation, and resilience. Caroline Goldsmith points out that even small moments—like listening to your child after a bad day or giving them space to share their feelings—can shape how they grow emotionally.
Children and teenagers, especially, are sensitive to how adults respond to them. If they feel dismissed or rushed, they may stop sharing altogether. Caroline Goldsmith stresses that trust is built over time and through consistency. Being present without distractions, maintaining eye contact, and letting your child speak without interruption are small actions that carry deep meaning.
What Happens When You Don’t Listen
Caroline often meets teens who say, “My parents don’t understand me,” or “They don’t care what I think.” These words often come from a deeper hurt—one that forms when they don’t feel listened to. The result can be withdrawal, defensiveness, or rebellion. Caroline believes that most of the time, it’s not that parents don’t care. It’s that they don’t realize how much their children need to feel truly heard.
When a child doesn’t feel understood, they may begin to hide their feelings, avoid talking about problems, or seek connection in unsafe places. On the other hand, when parents take time to listen, even difficult conversations can lead to closeness and emotional safety.
Listening with Empathy
To listen effectively, Caroline encourages parents to practice empathy. This means trying to understand not just what your child is saying, but how they feel when they say it. If your child says, “I hate school,” instead of responding with advice or correction, you might say, “That sounds really tough. Do you want to tell me more?” This shows that you are not judging or trying to fix them—you’re simply trying to understand.
Empathetic listening also means being aware of your own emotions. If you feel defensive or angry, it’s okay to take a breath and come back to the conversation with a calm mindset. Caroline reminds parents that listening is a skill, and like any skill, it gets better with practice.
Listening in Everyday Life
Listening doesn’t have to be limited to big or serious conversations. Caroline Goldsmith suggests using everyday moments—driving to school, preparing dinner, walking the dog—as chances to check in with your child. You don’t have to push for deep talks. Just being available and interested can invite your child to speak more openly over time.
She also recommends putting down phones and screens during conversations. Even short interactions can be meaningful if you’re fully present. Children notice when adults are distracted, and over time, this can affect how much they share and trust.
Final Thoughts from Caroline Goldsmith
Caroline Goldsmith believes that listening is one of the most powerful gifts a parent can give. It doesn’t cost anything, but its value is immeasurable. When you listen to understand—not just to respond—you help your child feel respected, accepted, and supported. That foundation creates emotional security, builds confidence, and prepares them to face the world with a stronger sense of self.
She encourages parents not to wait for a problem to start listening. The earlier you build this habit, the stronger your relationship will become. In a world full of noise, distractions, and pressure, being the person who truly listens can be life-changing for a child.